Addiction

Too long I have been sucking on

the sugar-water, straining for the

drug of fulfillment, threading through

the tightly wound dendritic channels

of what I thought of

as my heart and soul

but really was the craving

of a self-looped story

for its own rehashing,

for its expected end

Too long I’ve acted, feeling

that I had no choice,

in modes of movement

that kicked me into corners

with stagnant air that I could barely breathe

And though I feel I’d need to throw out everything

to leave it, (everything! — my friends, my loves,

my sense of worth and purpose)

I’m also sensing this is what I need to do —

free fall at the mercy

of what I hope will bear me up

so I can be lifted,

so I can be real.

©Wendy Mulhern

August 16, 2017

photo by Edward Mulhern